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Jokes, Locs, and Slow-Pokes

19 Mar

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ha Ha Ha.”

1. This boy Jake was about 16 years old. More than anything he wanted a car to drive to the movies and impress his friends and girls. One day he walked into the house. His dad was sitting down so he took this opportunity to ask ‘Dad! I want a car. I passed my driving test and got my license. I have kept my grades up and always get my chores done.’ His dad looked him over, sizing him up, and said ‘Son, when are you going to get a haircut?’ Knowing his dad was a man of faith Jake replied, ‘Jesus had long hair!’ His dad looked away from his newspaper and smiled from ear to ear and said, ‘Yeah, and He also walked everywhere he went!’

Ha!! Sometimes we don’t think things all of the way through before we act. Jake was headed in the right direction by comparing His actions to Jesus. But, if being like Jesus had been his true concern the outcome would have definitely come out positive for him.

2. This man and his friend Bill were walking down the street of their small rural town. They reluctantly walked past this business that had problems with the septic tank. The ground collapsed in crushing the top of the tank and letting out what smelled like the worst odor ever. So Bill took off his jacket and used it to cover his face, particularly his nose. He tripped and dropped the jacket Into the hole and watched it get soaked in imagesewage. Bill bent over to grab it but his short arms wouldn’t reach. So he imagebegged his friend for help. His friend says ‘I know it’s cold. But surely you are not going to put that jacket back on?’ Bill snorted ‘No! But I had a biscuit in the pocket!’

3. True Story. On February 1, 2003 the space-shuttle Columbia disintegrated over Texas and Louisiana as it re-entered the atmosphere of Earth. People all over my area of Dallas-Fort Worth claimed hearing a supersonic bang and some even discovered remnants of the explosion. In the town I was born and raised, this farmer walked out on the porch and saw his old dog bring a bone up to the yard from somewhere in the woods. Naturally, the farmer assumed it was possibly connected to the widely broadcasted incident. So he calls the authorities, and a time later a black van pulls up into his gravel driveway; Two stern looking men in black suits and black sunglasses get out of the vehicle and walk up to the porch. ‘F.B.I. Sir!, the man on the left belted-out without the common decency Of offering his name or a handshake, We need to ask you a few questions about the bone your dog found. Where exactly in the woods did your dog find the bone?’ ‘I don’t know. He didn’t say!’

4. True Story. Not as much of a joke as humor-related. About a year or two ago, in the next town over, Conan O’Brien was in the Area for the NCAA Championship and decided to have a little fun with the locals. You can find the video on YouTube and much of it aired on his show. Him and his crew thought it would be funny to dress up like a County Deputy and harass the local citizens and business owners. This all with the imagepermission of our Sheriff and contingent upon Conan signing a release form that any backlash of his late-night antics were in no way the fault of the Sheriff’s Department. So Conan is outfitted with gun, badge, and even a cowboy hat. Now you really realize how secluded a small town is when local business owners do not recognize a guy who is on television every night. All the locals were dodging the grocery store where he was giving managers the third-degree about some made up crime. IT’S NOT A REAL DEPUTY people! Granted O’Brien is geared towards a younger, more hip demographic. But still, the man is on TV and much of the Internet. Not to mention bill-boards and magazines. All of this years after the city two towns over was lifted up from practical anonymity after hometown crooner Katie Clarkson wins a national singing competition.

Of course none of us heard about Conan being in the area till after the fact. This is typical of our local news sources. I can get minute-by-minute coverage of an apartment fire or high-speed police chase but Vice-President Joe Biden comes to town to attend a relatives wedding and the news fills us in once he leaves. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry walks into a local cafe while in town raising money for elections and his political-party. Again nobody says a thing. But a local cop shoots a violent dog(I am a dog lover, not a fan of violent ones) and the story gets so much coverage that the poor officer has to flee the state and go into hiding(where he stays to this day) in response to death threats by overzealous activists. I thank GOD that when Jesus returns every man, woman and child will immediately know. Because if we had to rely on the so-called news to inform us, we would miss the Second Coming and spend Eternity listening to political pundants argue over which party was responsible for alerting American citizens. Add call-ins from perturbed viewers complaining coverage of the traffic jam broke into their daily dose of Judge Judy and you just described Hades.

There are rumors that an early American President visited the town I grew up as part of his train-ride across America. But this is highly unlikely.

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

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