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Jokes, Locs, and Slow-Pokes

19 Mar

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ha Ha Ha.”

1. This boy Jake was about 16 years old. More than anything he wanted a car to drive to the movies and impress his friends and girls. One day he walked into the house. His dad was sitting down so he took this opportunity to ask ‘Dad! I want a car. I passed my driving test and got my license. I have kept my grades up and always get my chores done.’ His dad looked him over, sizing him up, and said ‘Son, when are you going to get a haircut?’ Knowing his dad was a man of faith Jake replied, ‘Jesus had long hair!’ His dad looked away from his newspaper and smiled from ear to ear and said, ‘Yeah, and He also walked everywhere he went!’

Ha!! Sometimes we don’t think things all of the way through before we act. Jake was headed in the right direction by comparing His actions to Jesus. But, if being like Jesus had been his true concern the outcome would have definitely come out positive for him.

2. This man and his friend Bill were walking down the street of their small rural town. They reluctantly walked past this business that had problems with the septic tank. The ground collapsed in crushing the top of the tank and letting out what smelled like the worst odor ever. So Bill took off his jacket and used it to cover his face, particularly his nose. He tripped and dropped the jacket Into the hole and watched it get soaked in imagesewage. Bill bent over to grab it but his short arms wouldn’t reach. So he imagebegged his friend for help. His friend says ‘I know it’s cold. But surely you are not going to put that jacket back on?’ Bill snorted ‘No! But I had a biscuit in the pocket!’

3. True Story. On February 1, 2003 the space-shuttle Columbia disintegrated over Texas and Louisiana as it re-entered the atmosphere of Earth. People all over my area of Dallas-Fort Worth claimed hearing a supersonic bang and some even discovered remnants of the explosion. In the town I was born and raised, this farmer walked out on the porch and saw his old dog bring a bone up to the yard from somewhere in the woods. Naturally, the farmer assumed it was possibly connected to the widely broadcasted incident. So he calls the authorities, and a time later a black van pulls up into his gravel driveway; Two stern looking men in black suits and black sunglasses get out of the vehicle and walk up to the porch. ‘F.B.I. Sir!, the man on the left belted-out without the common decency Of offering his name or a handshake, We need to ask you a few questions about the bone your dog found. Where exactly in the woods did your dog find the bone?’ ‘I don’t know. He didn’t say!’

4. True Story. Not as much of a joke as humor-related. About a year or two ago, in the next town over, Conan O’Brien was in the Area for the NCAA Championship and decided to have a little fun with the locals. You can find the video on YouTube and much of it aired on his show. Him and his crew thought it would be funny to dress up like a County Deputy and harass the local citizens and business owners. This all with the imagepermission of our Sheriff and contingent upon Conan signing a release form that any backlash of his late-night antics were in no way the fault of the Sheriff’s Department. So Conan is outfitted with gun, badge, and even a cowboy hat. Now you really realize how secluded a small town is when local business owners do not recognize a guy who is on television every night. All the locals were dodging the grocery store where he was giving managers the third-degree about some made up crime. IT’S NOT A REAL DEPUTY people! Granted O’Brien is geared towards a younger, more hip demographic. But still, the man is on TV and much of the Internet. Not to mention bill-boards and magazines. All of this years after the city two towns over was lifted up from practical anonymity after hometown crooner Katie Clarkson wins a national singing competition.

Of course none of us heard about Conan being in the area till after the fact. This is typical of our local news sources. I can get minute-by-minute coverage of an apartment fire or high-speed police chase but Vice-President Joe Biden comes to town to attend a relatives wedding and the news fills us in once he leaves. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry walks into a local cafe while in town raising money for elections and his political-party. Again nobody says a thing. But a local cop shoots a violent dog(I am a dog lover, not a fan of violent ones) and the story gets so much coverage that the poor officer has to flee the state and go into hiding(where he stays to this day) in response to death threats by overzealous activists. I thank GOD that when Jesus returns every man, woman and child will immediately know. Because if we had to rely on the so-called news to inform us, we would miss the Second Coming and spend Eternity listening to political pundants argue over which party was responsible for alerting American citizens. Add call-ins from perturbed viewers complaining coverage of the traffic jam broke into their daily dose of Judge Judy and you just described Hades.

There are rumors that an early American President visited the town I grew up as part of his train-ride across America. But this is highly unlikely.

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

I am 31. I can’t come up with 1 idea to make 32! Daily Prompt: 32 Flavors

18 Mar
imageThis picture is supposed to illustrate the different sections of the brain and which types of flavors and sounds they react to. Wish I had some witty, well-thought out story. My posts easily reach 500 words and delve into the realm of serious affect. But I must admit, the real reason this image caught my attention is because of this next image.
image  I can’t help but think the outline of both pictures resemble each other. Which brings me to  my point: I don’t have one. I can’t think of anything. Zero. Zip. Goose-egg. I am 6 foot 5 inches tall and well over 300 pounds. I am no stranger to the dinner-table. I have a sweet tooth that rivals Willy-Wonka. I can guzzle a 2-liter Pepsi or Dr Pepper in one night of watching Seinfeld, Family Guy, and Friends reruns. I inhale Oreos like a Olympic Sprinter inhales fresh air after the 100 meter dash. Wave a bag of powdered white donuts in front of me and I am walking around looking like Leonardo Dicaprio on Basketball Diaries begging Ernie Hudson, ‘Give me a taste. Just a taste!’ But for the first time in awhile I am speechless. Maybe because as a child while my verbal skills were forming I was also a skinny kid. Seriously! You could see my ribs sticking out, so skinny. So when I moved to a different town for my junior high years and then returned to my hometown 150 pounds heavier ready to sign up for High School football, my old buddies were shocked. I left 110 pounds; I returned 270(give or take). Which reminds me, my high school had the most raunchy food…(250 words to go) ha!

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

Did you know?

18 Mar

imageThe Chinese word for rice and food are the same. 米飯 Or mĭfàn

So Rice=Food

As a Christian I can’t help but think that Jesus is Love

So you could very well say:image

Jesus=Love

So that got me thinking how would I say something as simple and profound as ‘Jesus is Love’ in simplified Chinese terms? Better yet ‘Jesus loves me’, a common saying for anybody who grew up attending Sunday School and those who teach it to there toddlers.

Jesus loves me

In Chinese: Ye Su Ay Wo(word for word translation)

If you reversed it Wo Ay Ye Su you would get I love Jesus

Jesus Loves Me 

               French      Oui ! Jésus m’aime ( Yes! Jesus Loves Me)

                 Italian       Sì! Gesù mi ama

                 German    Ja! Jesus liebt mich

Have you caught the similarities in each different language: Jesus, Je’sus, Gesu’ ?

My Pain, HIS PAIN, Your Gain

17 Mar

I am really feeling down today. I mean I have been crying, nose running(more like sprinting), and with a big head like mine my nose shouldn’t worry so much it has the advantage and will still get to the finish line hours before anyone else. Ha!!

But seriously, I have cried so hard I should have turned inside out. Tell me men don’t cry. In fact it takes a man to really cry. Lift all of that weight on our shoulders, heavier and heavier, trying to get us and our families through the day safe and sound. We may not cut or cook the meat but we have to provide it. If I ever have a son and he grows my size, I will be hunting food from daylight to dark. Ha!!

I have hope that Jesus will return and take us to Heaven. But it is days like these that are like the Devil is rigging his flaws deep into me and ripping out every shred of that hope out. But I dig that much deeper. And even if I didn’t have the strength to dig and died on the battlefield, GOD’S promises are still coming. But nonetheless, I run and run(this misery has gone on for years). No matter how far I get the Devil and all his evil catch up with me and murder me like a single guy walking down a back alley trying to get home. The evil chops me up like a cow. But around every corner is Jesus. Pulling up like a police officer in a squad car, armed to the teeth. And I truly believe that when Jesus died on the cross He went down into Hell for a time. He took the Devil down with Him and when it is was time for Jesus to leave He grabbed the key from Satan’s hand and locked the door on His way out. Now the effect of tha might have not played out in time and space as we know it. But make no mistake, Jesus will return.

Veni, Vidi, Vici. I Came, I saw, I Conquered. This is the writing on many a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. It was the words of Julius Caesar sent to the Roman Senate in 49 BCE. to tell of his victory over Pharnaces II of Pontus. It was a brief report but emphasized the complete victory and reminded the senate what great military skills Caesar maintained.

Now I am here telling you now, under the stress of my own struggles(I believe it is our real duty to help others when we are at our lowest), that Jesus will return, With His army of Angels, Armed with the Almighty Word of GOD and will claim I came ‘to save you’,I Saw(Witnessed, Felt, Experienced, and took unto myself on the cross), I Conquered ‘evil(in its entirety)’!! And GOD will breathe these final words releasing us from captivity and sending us to Heavenly Peace fulfilling the nature of Jesus Christ’s blood ‘IT IS FINISHED’. Satan the evil Beast, and all of Hell will be cast into the Lake of Fire. Then we will reside in Heaven, inside the gates where the Water of Life flows freely from the Throne of GOD. No evil will ever enter. There is no need for light because The Lord is there. We will sing the praises of The Lord and fellowship with one another in Eternal Peace!! (Check out Revelations in the Holy Bible)

Every Knee Shall bow. Every tongue shall confess. That Jesus Christ(His shed blood, His victory, His Living Waters of Life and Thirst Quenching a Peace) IS LORD(Right this very moment, in the past, and for all eternity)!! (Read Romans 14:11 Philippians 2:10, and Isaiah 45:23)

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

(To the best of my knowledge all scripture is copyright free)

Places. Been but never Seen. Daily Prompt:Places

17 Mar

I want to talk about the heart, my heart, your heart. I might find it hard to mention ‘our heart’. Maybe that is why we struggle in a society set on divisiveness on every single subject that arises; We have no concern for the collective heart that binds us all together. For Christians like myself, that is GOD(GOD THE FATHER, GOD THE SON(Jesus), GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT). I will stop at that as not to begin a discussion of beliefs, of which I am very opinionated, and will likely talk about that in the future.

GOD has shown us great things. Oceans, Purple Mountains, Space, Organisms, Feats of Strength. But I have experienced things inside my heart both greater and worse than anything I have ever seen. Inside my heart I have felt peace, calmer than a slow stream. I have experienced love, extreme hate, shame for that hate, a feeling that lacks words only slightly described by the word euphoria(That place where you feel not only GOD’s love but HIS wisdom that cannot be described in words as well as perfect spirit. It is a perfect wisdom where I understood everything that GOD would allow, everything on Earth and Much of Space simultaneously. Now understanding that with my mind is something I do not have the gift of right now), and sadly pain & grief.

I once felt very little, if not nothing, in my heart. On September 11 2011 I felt great anger and hate for a clan of heathens that would destroy thousands in a day. Sometime around 2004 I experienced the beginning and eventually the duration of what was not a nervous breakdown but a nervous awakening. At the age of 11 I suffered a tragedy so horrible that I rarely speak of it. Nonetheless, I spent the next 8 or 9 years emotionally cut-off. If you can imagine, in 2004, I began to feel emotion again. I suddenly had a decade of emotions hit my heart(and mind, body) at once. 9 years of fantastic love, all at once. 9 years of accomplishment, all at once. And of course, 9 years of pain, sorrow, guilt, and grief……..ALL AT ONCE. Every sin that I had on my account stuck into me like a unevenly serrated knife gouging out every bit of peace and comfort. I cried, I screamed silent, I self-mutilated because the physical pain of cutting was better than the spiritual and physiological agony. But you know what? GOD heard my cries and suddenly I felt an eternity, a never-ending flood of HIS love…ALL AT ONCE! Which takes me to a great place. Heaven. I will get to ‘see it’ some day!! Hopefully, since eternity is everlasting, I will get to fellowship with you all inside the Pearly Gates, More than once!!

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

Poem: Untitled

16 Mar

image

Lord I come on bended knee
YOU are the Only One between the evil and me
I am depressed instantly when I awake
This must be all a big mistake

I lay in my bed early in the morn’
My back is broke, my heart is torn
My eyes are swollen
This isn’t norm

I regret that somehow I awaken
How can you dare ask me if I want eggs and bacon?
Can’t you see I’m choking, my legs are shakin’

I walk in to my room and take a bow
Lord, how much of this will you allow?

I walk outside it’s getting cold
I love the work but this battle is getting old
This weight on my shoulders has me feeling old

It’s a jungle so I zip up my overcoat
My type of armor along with my beard
It’s my way of dealing with the shell-shock
It’s far from All She Wrote
If I could I’m afraid I’d cut my own throat
Since its a sin, I won’t
It wouldn’t help even if it was not a sin
With my luck I’d come back to life at the start
And have to deal with this misery all over again

I reach up out of the fire
And yell Your Holy Name
I come out of it unsinged
Nothing touched me but the shame
I look to Heaven, cause that’s my aim

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015

Do you get in a bad way sometimes? I do. But we will get through it!!

16 Mar

imageHell is not being in a fiery furnace of helpless torture, especially when you belong there. Hell is being right here on Earth. Sure GOD blesses me with great things but at the same time bad happens. I am constantly torn between two worlds Earth and Heaven. I am not from here, in no way comfortable here. At the same time it is not yet my time to cross over to Heaven. Therefore I am tortured everyday. My mind and body struggle to conform to social norms and secular habits. All of this while my spirit, The Holy Spirit, says ‘No! Wrong way come back this way. ‘
Now I am not saying anything against GOD. I love HIM and HIS Son Jesus. In fact I believe so much in the fact that GOD sent HIS only child(only child, can you imagine?) to die on the cross for those who believe, confess, and repent. I just want to, and need to be, in Heaven with my Lord Who loved me enough to die on the cross. It was even so bad that Jesus, being GOD HIMSELF and knowing fully in His mind the truth that Heaven and GOD’s love exists, yelled to His FATHER Why have YOU forsaken me? I am just as sure but sometimes that empty, hopeless feeling comes over me.
Now I will push ahead in the hope for the future GOD has prepared for us and I look forward to eternal fellowship with all who make it(I hope and pray that is all of you). I just get weak sometimes. But my weakness is GOD’s strength!

Copyright (C) Dustin Poteet 2015